Doctor Love: Not Sure and Ex-wife

Sunday, May 29th, 2016

Readers, please send your letters. They can be emails, formal letters or handwritten notes. They are edited solely for grammar and spelling. Also, they are sometimes edited for length.Dr-Love

Dear Doctor Love,
My boyfriend and I split up after three years together. At the time we were going through some really tough times. He was in the middle of changing jobs he had a lot of family problems with health and with visitation with his son. I waited to tell him about our financial troubles until things got so bad that I had to let him know. He split telling everyone that I lied about our money situation even though I was only trying to keep him from feeling bad. I am still paying off debts.
Now he is back with me but he still has not told his friends about us. He does not help with the back bills. I think he is too embarrassed or something. He does swear he loves me.
What should I do when the man I love keeps me as a secret?
/s/ Not Sure

Dear Not Sure,
Tell him to pull on his man pants and face up to the issue. The issue is that he told others a lie about why he left you. Don’t let him back into the relationship until he makes it good.

Dear Doctor Love,
I have five children, of which two are grown and the other three aged thirteen to nine still live at home. The father of the three little ones comes in and out of their lives as he pleases. He sometimes shows up again after a few weeks but it is usually a few months. One time he was gone for half a year with no reasonable explanation of where he had been or what he had been doing. I have always allowed this but I think it is time for a change of policy. I don’t think it is good for the children to grow attached and think he loves them and then suddenly he is gone again. Right now they say the never want to see him again.
Should I cut off contact to him?
/s/ The Ex-Wife

Dear Ex,
The most important thing here is what the children need: not what you think they need. As a general rule even a little father is better than no father at all. At their age they can feel anger toward him but it is hard for them to actually reject him. They will soon be of an age where they can tell him how they feel. If they are older when they start questioning him they will better be able to make their decisions.

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