“Well, how was the trip to Merida?” Glenn asked. “Did you ladies have a good time?”
“Oh, we had a blast,” I said. “You know when me, Laura, Mikaela, and Jeanna travel together, it’s either going to end in laughter… or someone losing a shoe.”
Mikaela grinned. “Or both.”
“We did a little shopping,” I said. “Ate too much, laughed too loud — and then Laura saw a sign for some new women-only club. The guy at the door said it had five floors, and each one had better men than the last. Only rule was: once you go up, you can’t go back down.”
Glenn raised an eyebrow. “Sounds dangerous already.”
“First floor said: ‘The men on this floor are short and plain.’ Jeanna looked around and said, ‘We could’ve stayed in San Pedro for this!’ So we went up.
“Second floor sign said: ‘The men on this floor are short and handsome.’ Mikaela said, ‘At least we’re improving,’ but Laura was already pressing the elevator button.”
“The third floor said: ‘The men on this floor are tall and plain.’ We thought about it for a second, but decided we were aiming higher. Literally.”
“When we got to the fourth floor, the sign said: ‘All the men on this floor are tall and handsome.’ We all screamed and started to go in—but then Jeanna said, ‘Wait, there’s one more floor. What if that’s where they keep the really good ones?’”
“So we went up to the fifth floor,” I said, shaking my head. “The doors opened, and it was empty. Not one man in sight. Just a big fancy sign that said: ‘There are no men here. This floor was built to prove there’s no way to please a woman.’”
The events and characters depicted in Wolfe’s Woofer by Melody S. Wolfe are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The column is intended for satire and entertainment purposes only.
