Doctor Love: Mothers and Moving In
Sunday, June 8th, 2014
Readers, please send your letters. They can be emails, formal letters or handwritten notes. They are edited solely for grammar and spelling. Also, they are sometimes edited for length.
Dear Doctor Love,
My mother is a woman who must be in charge of her family. She usually does this by phone but she will come over in person to do what she sees as her job. All my life she has been the person who solves all of the problems and has all of the answers. Usually the problems are ones that have been created by her. For instance, if I am upset about something she will say that it is because I am fighting with my boyfriend. The truth is that my boyfriend and I get along very well until she starts meddling. I get moody and when he wants to know what is wrong I sometimes take it out on him.
If I do not take her advice about something she gets angry. Then she does everything to make sure that the problem gets worse. She cannot stand to see me happy. I am 26 years old and I deserve a chance to be happy. What can I do?
/s/ Not A Mama’s Girl
Put some space between you and your mom. Don’t answer every time she calls. Make your conversations short and to the point. If she makes negative comments say, “Goodbye,” and hang up. Set up boundaries and stick to them.
Dear Doctor Love,
My girlfriend and I have been together for two years. The two years were spent waiting while her divorce traveled through the court system. The last part was property settlement. She had to give up on keeping her house because it would cost more than she could afford to make the payments. Instead, she took a sum of cash.
Now, since the divorce she has had to move to a small apartment. I feel really bad for her but I am not ready to get married yet. Her 14 year-old son and I are frequently at odds. He thinks I am trying to replace his dad. I think the small apartment puts more stress on the situation.
Should I move in with them to a better place and hope everything works out? At my age I can’t afford any huge mistakes.
/s/ Under Pressure
It would be a mistake to move in. The situation with the son would worsen because he would see you as even more of a threat. He will be at home for at least 4 to 6 more years. That’s plenty of time for your situation to go sideways.
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