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Dear Doctor Love,
My husband and I are from two different cultural backgrounds. He is Asian and I am Caucasian. We have a baby daughter who is now one year old. She looks nothing like me. She is a beautiful little girl who looks completely Chinese. This difference in our appearance seems to attract attention from everyone we meet, and it is very common that people take it for granted she is adopted or my husband’s daughter with an Asian mother. When I took her to a new doctor last week even the receptionist assumed I was not her mother. It upsets me that people put me in the position to have to answer what I consider to be an intrusive question. How do I handle these wearisome situations?
/s/ She’s Mine
Dear Mine,
You are getting frustrated over something that’s not likely to go away, so you had better change your reaction and response to the questions. First lose the idea that people are being intrusive and think of them as being interested. People are curious about babies and children, and in normal conversation they tend to feel comfortable inquiring about them, age and name. In the case of the receptionist, even more personal information might be required. The doctor might ask if your child is adopted as some physicians require proof of adoption documents before making an appointment. In everyday settings, like the park or daycare, if you get upset at the question of her parentage and answer in a hostile manner, your daughter can pick up on that feeling as she gets older. The message you send her will not be a positive one. When someone asks if you are her mother, or insinuates that she doesn’t look like you, smile and say, “She looks like my handsome husband.” When she is old enough, she will answer the question herself, hopefully in a humorous and easygoing manner.
Dear Doctor Love,
My neighbor will not cut his grass or keep the junk from piling up in his front yard. The trash holds water and breeds mosquitoes and the long grass hides various insects that migrate to my dogs and house. My ten-year-old keeps my yard trimmed every two weeks and dumps standing water. Since my yard is clean, do I have the right to complain about his?
/s/ Trimmed
Dear Trimmed,
Lawn maintenance can make neighbors drive each other crazy. Take your son next door and ask your neighbor if he can have a job cutting his lawn. It will send the message without being overly aggressive.
