Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Doctor Love: Not your Valentine


Dear Dr. Love,
My partner and I have been in a really bad place for years. I want to leave the island, but we have dogs, a house, and a few investments together, not to mention a business we run. I don’t feel like we are in love anymore. We don’t communicate well, and I’ve decided to focus on work and myself, no longer investing in our relationship. I’ve stopped caring, fighting, or complaining about the lack of leadership, going out and drinking with his friends every day.
Yesterday, he asked me not to make plans for Wednesday and to be home early, possibly for Valentine’s Day. I don’t want to be his Valentine, and part of me considers being honest about having a strictly business relationship. However, the other part doesn’t even care enough to fight anymore.
/s/ Not Your Valentine

Dear Not Your Valentine,
I want you to know that it’s not healthy to suppress your feelings, especially in a relationship. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being. Communication is key, and it might be helpful to have an honest conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling. Relationships evolve, and it’s okay to acknowledge that. If you find it challenging to open up, consider seeking support from a friend, therapist, or even me, Dr. Love. Remember, you deserve a relationship that brings you joy and fulfillment.
Take care, Dr. Love

Dear Dr. Love,
I have a girlfriend, and I genuinely care about her. I’ve always been faithful in my relationships, and that won’t change. However, there’s this one woman who makes me unusually nervous. My heart races, I find myself biting my lip, and I try to avoid her because I don’t want anyone, especially her, to notice. I love my girlfriend, and I’m confused about these feelings. We don’t spend much time alone together, just occasionally with mutual friends. I’m not sure how to act around her or address these feelings that I’m scared to acknowledge.
Help! /s/ Nervous Wreck

Hey Nervous Wreck,
You sound like a solid guy. It’s not uncommon to get those fluttery feelings around someone, thanks to some ancient caveman brains. But we’re living in the now, not the Stone Age.
Take a step back and ask yourself if these feelings are genuinely something more or just a general attraction. You have to be real with yourself. If it’s just a passing chemistry thing, cool. However, if it starts messing with your emotions, it’s time to set clear boundaries and refocus on your relationship with your girlfriend. Feelings can be confusing, but being honest with yourself is key. If it gets too much, talking it out with a friend or professional can provide some clarity.
Keep it real, Dr. Love

Dr. Dr. Love,
I recently applied for a scholarship in Japan, and there’s a high probability I’ll get it. I’m genuinely excited for this next chapter. However, I have a boyfriend whose work is tied to the island. He knows I applied, but we haven’t discussed what happens when I leave. Should I ask him to come with me? I’ll be gone for at least 3 years, and I don’t want a long-distance relationship. Is it fair to him? I’m uncertain about my future on this island; it’s my home, but I’m unsure what lies ahead.
/s/ Japan Bound

Dear Japan Bound,
Wow, this is a tough decision. As I always say, communication is key. Have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend. Decide if this is a journey you want to embark on alone or with him. Once decided, discuss if he’s willing to go, considering work and other factors. Fortunately, there are many online work options if he chooses to join. Take your time to think about what you truly want. Congratulations on your next chapter!
Sincerely, Dr. Love

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