Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Doctor Love: Father of a son

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Dear Dr. Love,
My wife and I have been married for eight years and are very happy. We have two beautiful daughters and love our family life. We were both in our late 20s when we met, and it was no secret that we had relationships with others before we met.
Last month, I got a call from a woman I had briefly dated several years ago. Honestly, I had forgotten all about her! I almost passed out when she told me I was the father of her eleven-year-old son! I was shocked! I know she was a promiscuous girl when we dated, and I kind of doubted the kid was mine…but when she sent me photos, I knew I was the dad; the boy looked just like me when I was that age. She wasn’t asking me for anything; she just thought I should have the chance to know my son if I wanted to. They live in Corozal, and I could go to see them easily enough, but I am terrified to tell my wife! She knows I have always wanted a son, and I don’t want her to feel like she did me wrong with two daughters.
I really would like to know my son, but I don’t want to lose the family I have and love. Do you think my wife will understand? /s/Father of a son

Dear Father of a Son,
That’s a tough one for sure, but here’s the straight talk: honesty is key here. It’s clear you love your family, and that’s a strong foundation. You got blindsided by news from the past—happens to the best of us. But keeping this secret is not the way to go. It might be rough, but you gotta bring your wife into the loop.
Tell her everything just like you told me—how you got the call out of the blue and how this kid just popped up in your life. Make sure she knows this doesn’t change how you feel about her or your daughters. Honesty might sting, but it’s better than getting caught in a lie later. It’s about giving her the respect of making decisions together, especially about something as big as this.
As for your son, it’s admirable you want to know him. That’s your flesh and blood out there, and it’s only natural to be curious. But first, sort things out at home. See where your wife stands and how she feels about all this. It might take some time for her to process, so give her that space.
You’re in a tricky spot, but you ain’t the first man to face this. Handle it with care, keep your intentions good, and you can work through it. Best of luck, man. Dr. Love

Dear Dr. Love,
I see someone has started a petition in town against the horrible truck traffic we have. I have to agree that it is out of control, and I was happy to sign the petition online. When I logged in, I was surprised that this petition was also collecting money. I am unsure why that is so, but it turned me off. I did sign it, but it left me with a bad taste. Why does money have to be involved with a petition? /s/ Confused

Dear Confused,
You have every reason to be puzzled about this one. A petition typically involves gathering signatures to show support for an issue—like addressing the excessive truck traffic that’s causing a ruckus in town. It’s meant to demonstrate to the authorities that residents demand change.
Now, regarding the collection of money alongside signatures, that adds another layer. Often, funds are collected to help promote the petition more widely, such as through advertisements or organizing events to gather more support. This isn’t necessarily suspicious, but transparency is crucial.
If it wasn’t clear why they are collecting money, or if something about it seemed off to you, your concerns are valid. It’s wise to ask directly where the money is going. A genuine campaign will be transparent about their financials and how they’re using donations. If they can’t provide clear answers, your hesitation makes sense.
Always trust your instincts, and never feel obligated to contribute money if you’re unsure about the intentions behind a request. Dr. Love

Dear Dr. Love,
I am 16, and my boyfriend Pedro seems to be flirting with my twin sister. They think it’s cute, but it drives me crazy! She says they are just having fun, but I believe where there is smoke, there is usually fire. I have asked my sister to please stop, and now it seems like she’s going out of her way to do it even more! How can I put an end to this? /s/Mad at my twin

Dear Mad at my Twin,
That sounds like a real tough situation, and I hear your frustration. It’s definitely not cool for your boyfriend to be flirting with your sister, even if they think it’s just for fun. Your feelings are important, and it’s not fair for them to dismiss them.
First things first, you need to have a serious chat with your boyfriend. Let him know straight up how his actions make you feel. It’s crucial he understands that what he sees as harmless fun is actually hurting you. If he cares about you, he’ll respect your feelings and cut it out.
Now, about your sister, it sounds like she might be feeling a bit competitive, which can happen with twins. But it’s important to remind her that as your sister, her support means everything. Tell her how much it’s affecting you. She might not realize how deep this is cutting, especially if she thinks it’s all in good fun.
If they both really care about you, they’ll listen and back off. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect, especially by people close to you. If they don’t stop, you might need to rethink some of these relationships, as hard as that might be. You’re young, and there’s plenty of time to find folks who’ll treat you right. Stay strong and take care of yourself. Dr. LoveDoctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: [email protected]

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