Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Doctor Love: What to do?

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Dear Dr. Love,
I am 18 and a student. I recently slept with a guy at work, and he has not paid attention to me since. I have totally fallen for him. We have known each other since primary school, and he has always been shy. Why won’t he speak to me, let alone date me? /s/ What to Do?

Dear What to Do,
First off, I’m sorry you’re going through this tough time. It sounds like you really care about this guy, especially since you’ve known him for so long. Sometimes, guys act differently after getting close in a new way—it can be confusing and a bit scary, especially if he’s shy like you said.
The best step here is probably to have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Try to find a quiet time when you both can chat without pressure. Share how you feel and ask him how he’s feeling. It’s important to know where you both stand. Remember, communication is key in any relationship.
Whatever the outcome, take care of yourself, okay? You deserve someone who respects and values you just as much as you do them. Wishing you the best, Dr. Love

Dear Dr. Love,
I have fallen in love with a woman who has been my friend for the past 5 years. She is a great person, and we are close. Since she likes being single and I am scared of rejection, I have always felt pretty safe not having to say anything to her about how I feel. We are both really awkward when it comes to the opposite sex, and she doesn’t give me any idea about how she feels about me.
I have been driving myself crazy because I want to be in a relationship with her. She just slept with someone; it was a one-night stand, but I feel that our relationship is in jeopardy. She even mentioned the other day that we should go on a trip together next year. I can’t imagine loving anyone else as much as I love her. I respect, love, honor, and cherish this woman as my friend, and now I want more. But I don’t want our friendship to end or change. What should I do? /s/ Want more than friendship

Dear Want More Than Friendship,
It sounds like you’re in a real tough spot, and it’s clear how much you care about your friend. Feelings like yours can definitely stir up a mix of excitement and fear, especially when you value someone deeply both as a friend and potentially more.
Here’s the thing: if you never express how you feel, you might always wonder “what if?” It’s tricky when you’re worried about rejection or changing the dynamic but being honest about your feelings could potentially lead to something wonderful between you two. Since she suggested a trip next year, it shows she values spending time with you, which is a good sign!
Maybe start by testing the waters. See how she reacts to casual, light-hearted hints about dating or relationships in general. This can give you some insight into her thoughts without putting too much pressure on either of you.
If you feel brave enough, consider having an open and honest conversation with her. Tell her how much you value her and explain your feelings. Make it clear that you respect her perspective, whether she feels the same way or not, and that you cherish your friendship above all.
Whatever happens, remember that true friendship can often withstand these kinds of challenges. Handling this with care and respect will help ensure that, no matter what, you can continue to have a meaningful relationship in some form. Wishing you courage and happiness, Dr. Love

Dear Dr. Love,
My boyfriend broke up with me about six months ago and is now involved with someone else. I still have feelings for him and can’t seem to get over him. Every guy that I have dated has always broken up with me first. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. Recently, I can’t seem to make it to a second date. What am I doing wrong? /s/ Always dumped

Dear Always Dumped,
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way—it sounds like a tough stretch you’ve been going through. It’s completely normal to feel down after breakups, especially when feelings linger.
First, regarding your ex, it’s hard to see someone move on when you still have feelings for them. The key here is to focus on your healing. It’s okay to grieve the relationship, but also start finding ways to take care of yourself and your own needs. Whether it’s through hobbies, spending time with friends, or maybe even talking to a counselor, find what helps you heal and move forward.
As for feeling like you’re always the one being dumped, I know it can really hurt and shake your confidence. Remember, relationships ending isn’t always about something you did wrong; sometimes it’s just about compatibility, timing, or individual growth paths that don’t align.
When it comes to dating and not making it past the first date, it might be helpful to reflect on these experiences. Are you fully present on these dates, or might your thoughts be elsewhere (like on past relationships)? Sometimes, without realizing it, past hurts can affect how we interact with new people. It’s also okay to ask for feedback. If you’re comfortable, you could reach out to someone you’ve dated for honest insight about your time together.
Lastly, don’t rush yourself into dating again until you feel ready. Make sure you’re feeling confident and whole on your own; a partner should complement your life, not complete it.
Keep your chin up, take things one step at a time, and focus on being the best version of yourself. The right person will appreciate you fully for who you are. Hang in there, Dr. Love

Doctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: [email protected]

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