Wolfe’s Woofer: Special Gift

Sunday, January 27th, 2019

“Where’s Wood Leg?” Vernon asked. “I thought he was playing pool with us tonight.”
“Don’t worry about Wood Leg Pedro,” Mario said. “He’ll always show up to shoot pool. He’s probably just out chasing some girl.”
“He does like the ladies,” Vernon said.
The NoSéNada Sports club was warming up for our weekly pool tournament. When a wife or girlfriend asks about one of the club members, our stock answer is “No Sé Nada,” which translates loosely as “I don’t know anything.”
“Sorry I’m late,” Wood Leg said, when he arrived a few minutes later. “I was at the jewelry store.”
“What you doing, Wood Leg? Buying a wedding ring?” Juan asked.
Wood Leg laughed.
“You know me better than that. I was buying a gift for my girlfriend but it sure wasn’t no wedding ring. I ain’t ready for marrying, yet.”
“That’s good,” Vernon said. “Don’t go buying no wedding rings. I done bought two of them in my life. I’m still paying child support for the first one. The next one says if I leave, she wants child support and the house, too.”
“I bought her a nice bracelet,” Wood Leg said. “Check this out.”
He pulled a box from his pocket and handed it to me. Inside the box was a beautiful silver bracelet.
“This is a really nice bracelet,” I said, as I looked it over. “You even have it engraved.”
“What does it say?” Mario asked.
“To the one I love most in the world,” I read. “I’m surprised, Wood Leg. I had no idea you’re such a romantic person. Why didn’t you have her name engraved on it?”
Wood Leg said, “I figure that without her name on it, when we split up, I can use it again.”

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