Doctor Love: Miss Indie
Sunday, December 4th, 2016
Readers, please send your letters. They can be emails, formal letters or handwritten notes. They are edited solely for grammar and spelling. Also, they are sometimes edited for length.
Dear Doctor Love,
I am perfectly happy being single but my friends think I must be lonely, depressed, or lack the social skills to “get a man.” My sister is worried I will soon be thirty years old and still have no husband. I enjoy a life of travel, and have been able to accept jobs in foreign countries, but my best friend says I am just avoiding commitment. My mother thinks I am selfish and spoiled. A husband, children and marriage simply does not interest me. I am so happy alone. Is there something wrong with me? Should I be looking for love?
/s/ Miss Indie
Dear Miss Indie,
It is not easy to shake off the stigma of being unattached. Your life as a single woman is both rewarding and liberating. You sleep when you want, eat what you want and nobody hogs the remote. However, your friends and family equate joy and fulfillment to being with a partner. They want you to be happy with someone. They want what they think is best for you, because that is what is best for them.
If you do not want to modify your lifestyle to make room for someone else, you are not being selfish. Looking only to your goals and being uncompromising and resistant to change would be selfish within a relationship; you would risk hurting the man who loves you. As a single woman, you have no need to compromise. Doing your own thing in your own domain doesn’t hurt anyone. Also, living alone is much more likely to be a drama free zone.
Some temperaments are better suited to being alone because some people are more solitary by nature. Though they may enjoy companionship from time to time they prefer the rhythms of being single. If it is your nature to be single or if being in a relationship makes you feel tied down, then why force yourself to a situation that, in the end, will only end painfully? Whether it is the solitude of single living that you prefer, the experience of seeing the world or the fun and freedom of being the social butterfly, don’t let yourself be forced into a box. Settling into a relationship just because you feel like the world expects it of you is not fair to either yourself or the other person. Someday you may have a change of heart but for now, assure your friends and family that you are perfectly happy and get on to your next adventure.
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