Dear Doctor Love,
What advice would you give for a secret romance? I am in a romantic relationship that no one knows about. Neither of us is in another relationship; however, we have never seriously considered making our relationship public. It has been going on for over three years now, and while I am comfortable with where we stand, I keep wondering if it’s okay. /s/ Just between us
Dear Just Between Us,
A secret romance, huh? There’s something thrilling about the forbidden, the whispered conversations, the glances that mean everything and nothing at the same time. But after three years, this isn’t just a fling—it’s a full-blown relationship, and it’s fair to ask yourself: Why is it still a secret?
If neither of you is hiding from another relationship, then what exactly are you protecting? Privacy is one thing, but secrecy is another. Privacy means keeping your love sacred, just for the two of you. Secrecy often means avoiding something—judgment, expectations, or maybe even a deeper level of commitment.
If you’re both happy with the arrangement, that’s one thing. But if you’re questioning it, then something inside you is nudging for more. Love deserves light, even if it’s just a little. Maybe it’s time to ask your partner if they feel the same way and why neither of you has wanted to step out of the shadows. The answer might surprise you. Or, it might be the clarity you need to decide if this relationship is truly enough for you. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
I used to work in social services, mainly on family matters, and I’m feeling extremely burned out. I love my job, but it’s very consuming because of the nature of the cases I am involved with. Recently I have found myself disassociating with everything besides work and my own personal alone time. My friends and family reach out to me to talk or to ask for us to hang out, but I just don’t feel like even responding to them. I want to maintain my relationships without sending a blanket “I can’t talk right now” text. It’s hard to let friends and family know I need space, and while I know how this sounds, I am comfortable just dealing with work and being left alone. /s/ In my own world
Dear In My Own World,
Burnout isn’t just about work exhaustion; it’s about emotional depletion. You’ve given so much of yourself to your job—your time, your energy, your empathy—that there’s nothing left in the tank for anyone else. And I get it. When you’re in survival mode, the last thing you want to do is manage social expectations.
You don’t owe anyone a performance. You don’t have to fake enthusiasm for a coffee date or push through a phone call when your mind is somewhere else. What you do owe yourself, though, is balance. Work can consume you if you let it, and disassociating might feel like relief now, but long-term, it’s isolation.
So, how do you set boundaries without completely shutting people out? Honesty. A simple, “Hey, I’m really burned out right now, but I appreciate you checking in. I’ll reach out when I have the energy,” will go a long way. The people who care about you don’t need constant access; they just need to know you’re okay. And when you’re ready, let them back in—because you’re more than just your job, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. /s/ Dr. Love
Dear Doctor Love,
My sister, who is now 17, is struggling with depression. I have noticed a significant change in her since the COVID-19 lockdowns. I do not live with my family, as I have my own family, and my father is not living with them either due to my parents’ divorce. Unfortunately, I can’t visit my family often because of my own children and work commitments. Therefore, I am seeking advice on how to help my sister from a distance. My mom has been trying to support my sister, but it has been difficult. My sister has expressed some very hurtful feelings towards my mom, saying things like she hates her and that she is the worst mom in the world, claiming that the only reason she cares is that they live together. Additionally, my sister refuses to answer phone calls from my dad or me. As you can imagine, my mom is exhausted and is constantly crying; the situation is really weighing on her. My sister shows no interest in spending time with my mom, and even outings for breakfast quickly turn into tense situations where my sister refuses to talk or ends up insulting her. My main question is: How can I help my sister when I am so far away? /s/ Helping my sister
Dear Helping My Sister,
Depression is a heavy weight to carry, and for a teenager, it can feel like the whole world is pressing down. Your sister’s anger and detachment? That’s her pain speaking. She’s not trying to push your mom away—she just doesn’t know how to let anyone in.
Being far away makes it harder, but it doesn’t make you powerless. First, keep reaching out, even if she doesn’t respond. A simple text—“I love you, and I’m here when you’re ready to talk”—lets her know she’s not alone, without pressuring her to engage. Second, try a different approach. Instead of phone calls, send her a voice note, a funny meme, a song that reminds you of her. Small, consistent reminders that you care without expecting anything in return.
As for your mom, she’s exhausted because she’s fighting a battle she can’t win alone. It might help for her to step back from trying to fix things and instead just sit with your sister’s emotions, even when they’re ugly. A counselor or therapist could also be a huge help, but only if your sister is open to it. The best thing you can do is remind both of them that healing isn’t about forcing change—it’s about creating a safe space for it to happen when she’s ready.
She might not show it now, but she hears you. And one day, she’ll remember who kept showing up. /s/ Dr. Love
Doctor Love is the islands, and possibly the world’s greatest authority on just about everything. The Doctor answers questions concerning any subject except religion or politics. Persons needing additional assistance or counseling should contact Family Services Division at 227-7541. The opinions herein are not necessarily of The San Pedro Sun. Write Doctor Love at PO Box 51, San Pedro Town, Belize, or email: [email protected]
